So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
