I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
