Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Michael Bay diarrhea
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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