and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
