We named our party play list daddy issues
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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