Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
