she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Shame - the story of my life.
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