I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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