I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
