Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
