Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
