Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
