i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
how does that bad decision feel?
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