i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
