one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
