i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Congratulations! We have a period
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
