so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
