4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
