walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
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I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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