Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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