Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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