Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
where are you?
Hypothermia
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
