Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
