I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
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