is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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