I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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