i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize