If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
