I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
