Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Randomize
