Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
