I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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