I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
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I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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