My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
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