Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize