Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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