well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
