i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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