Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
