I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
