they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
