We won't sleep together?
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Bring me that man meat
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
