his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I have fence marks all over my body
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
These tits shall not be calmed
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
