Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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