My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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