Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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