I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
