you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
