Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
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Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
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I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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