just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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