giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
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Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
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It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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