his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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