you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Randomize
