Her vagina should come with caution tape.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
