I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
