Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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