So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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