i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Terrible idea I love it
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
