please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Your dad touched me again.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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