Apparently you make a good broom.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
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