you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
