WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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