This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
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He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
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Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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