Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
