I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
