I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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