in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
