from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
